BS:  ARE YOU LOOSE!  Hey BARTENDER!  I need a drink!
CC:  Make it two, make it two!
Bartender, to BS:  ARE YOU LOOSE?
BS:  Yeah!
Bartender, to CC:  You old enough?
CC:  Yeah, I'm a graduate, I got my diploma right here!
Bartender:  Oh, a motherf***ing master, eh?  Well, Mr -- what'd
 you say your name was?
CC:  Do you really need to say my name?
Bartender:  Fine, Mr. Master.  What'd you major in?
CC:  Football!  Says so in latin, right here
 (anonyomous lurker bumps CC, grabs the diploma).
CC:  Hey, Someone took my diploma!
Steve:  He coulda knocked your f*****' eye out!  Let's get that
 mutha outa here!
BS:  Hey!  Calm down!  You guys are dangerous tonight!
Steve:  But Big Man ain't got no diploma!
Roy:  You mean, "Clarence doesn't have a diploma."
Steve:  OK, professor, Clarence _doesn't have_ a diploma.
Assembled:  CLARENCE DOESN'T HAVE A DIPLOMA!
DM (still wearing Santa suit from last year's appearance on
 "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"):  Racists!
Lurker:  [expletive deleted]
DM:  Duh, I'm sorry.  I was just joshing ya.  Commit the sin of ironic
 humor in a public place and now look how I have to pay for it!
Bartender:  Buddy, you can't do that _here_ -- we ain't got a register
 for it.  Try the comedy club across the way.
BS:  Someone get my drink!  Zach!
Zach:  I'm on it, boss, I'm on it.
BS:  Hey Steve, see that girl over by the record machine?
Steve:  Yeah, I see her, boss.
BS:  Go say 'hi' to her.  Get her to come over here.
Steve:  You're married, boss.
BS:  Well buddy, I'm pretendin'.  Go say hi to her.
 (Danny comes racing in, looking like someone is chasing him.
  He crashes into DM, knocking him out).
Steve:  Shit, you killed Santa Claus!
Danny:  IT'S HIS FAULT!!  HE MADE ME DO IT!!!
 (Looking mortified, Danny points at Mike Appell, who's slow-dancing with
  Gavin Dare in a dark corner of the bar.  Appell refuses to acknowledge
  Danny, who turns sideways and disappears.  CC and Garry wave a wet hanky
  over DM to revive him)
Bartender:  What's going on here?
BS:  ZACH!
Zach:  Yeah, boss?
BS:  My drink!!
Zach:  Yeah?
BS:  Goddammit, Zach, pick it up!
CC:  Do you want me to burp you?
BS:  huh?
CC:  You're hiccupping again.
Zach:  OK, here's your drink, boss.
BS:  And at the last possible millesecond, too.  OK now, go pay for it.
Zach:  Geez, boss.  It's always Zach, Mr. Deep Pocket, get this Zach, pay
 for that Zach, you're late Zach... Why is everybody always picking on me?
Max:  Ahhh, The Coasters, a classic.  One of my favorites.
Zach:  huh?
Max:  Yakety Yak!
Zach:  Boss, he's making fun of me again!
BS:  Cut it out, Max, or I'll make you tell that story from 1975 again.
*MS*:  The one about the insectiside!???***{
Steve:  I know, I know, let's stand him on his head!
 (they stand *MS* on his head)
*MS*:  Help me!
 (*MS* comes crashing down)
CC:  Why, he's no fun, he fell right over.
BS:  Hey, Steve!  You get that girl yet?  I'm on my knees!
Steve:  OK, boss (brings Susan over).
BS:  Hi.  What's your name?
Susan:  Uhhhhhh, "Thank you, Bruce."
BS:  hmmm, how 'bout I'll just call you "Sue."  Hey, you wanna dance?
 I can't send you home without this one!  OK, here we go now.
 HUNH!! HOO!! hunh hoo hee ho...
Assembled:  NO!!!  NOT THAT ONE!!
BS:  Sue, YOU sing.
Susan:  uhhhhhh....
SSJ:  I'll sing anything, lemme do it!
BS:  Southside, SING.  Sue, DANCE!
Susan:  My bra strap might fall off...  I can't.  I'm TOO OLD.  I'm
 almost a GRANDMOTHER.  My heart may go on me...
Mon (pushing Sue):  C'mon, Sue, you gotta show some guts!
Garry:  Hey, check it out!  There's a naked guy up on the rooftop, and
 he's doing some weird dance and he's singing "Born to Run" in Finnish!
BS:  Now, that's A GREAT MAN!!
Hal:  But you said *I'm* a great man!
BS:  Well, then go up on the roof and dance!  Sue, are you LOOSE?
 (Sue starts screaming out the words to "Glory Days" in random order, and
 in living color.  Lightning bolts hit.   SSJ and Bobby King harmonize)
BS:  You done good, you done good.  Sue's LOOSE!!
Officer who shall remain nameless (OF):  Son, you're in big trouble.
BS:  But Officer!  I have an explanation!  Me and her was just havin' us
 some fun!
OF:  Yeah, yeah, the whole world has an explanation, and that one sucks.
BS:  OK, how about, she's finding the value of her own independent existence?
OF:  That one sucks, too.
BS:  OK, OK, she's taking the past, throwin' it away, and finding something
 new and beautiful NOW!!  Yeah, that's it!
OF:  Son, I'm gonna have to take you downtown...
BS:  OK, but... before I go, I just wanna say... I just wanna say...
 I just wanna say...
Assembled:  SAY IT!!!
BS:

 HAPPY (*THIRTY-FIFTH* !!!!!) BIRTHDAY, SUSAN!

 and Merry New Year, Too!